Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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