I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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