Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
