That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize