the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
