Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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