So drunk its hurt
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
