OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
