I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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