This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
