My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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