I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
