i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize