i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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