i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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