I have demons in me.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I looked at my own cervix.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
