he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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