i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
