Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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