I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
