Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
