SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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