My first STD was from a foam party
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
