Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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