I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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