I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
