I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
