Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
