Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
