peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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