i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
