So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
