I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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