i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize