We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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