I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize