So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
