That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
