you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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