I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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