I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
