put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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