You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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