i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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