and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
