My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
