I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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