you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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