so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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