Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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