If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
These tits shall not be calmed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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