just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
