Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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