i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
