Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
