looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
