$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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