I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
