I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
