I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
