Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
