I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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