Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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