I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
