I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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