You just made me feel so damn special
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
...so i touched it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
