He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
