end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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