3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
