if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
