Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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