I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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