I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
