listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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