hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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