i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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