It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
